How far can I go?

三年前，那位俄羅斯有婦之夫說：「其實你不知道你自己的底線吧。」 (I don't think you realise how far you can go) 當時我有點嬲，who do you think you are? 你以為很了解我嗎？

然後，他離開了香港。

三年後的今日，我竟然被另一個他不斷測試及挑戰我的底線。到目前為止，他很成功。我的底線就如無底深潭，要幾低有幾低。

現在他竟然同我細訴如何周旋於眾多女伴之中！好像我還要同情他。這，究竟是甚麼意思？

我知道，在他心裡，在他眼中，我再沒有吸引力。

我的紋身不再性感；我的打扮不再吸引；我那口音不再有趣；我給他的意外不再是驚喜。

再沒有說笑話逗我開心；再沒有為我彈結他；再沒有對我說想跟我生個小孩；再沒有將來。

或許從來沒有愛。那倒沒所謂，乾脆老實跟我說便行了。奈何男人都是貪心（花心？）的。多留一個喜歡自己的女人在身邊也好呀。

如此這般，我便繼續這樣下去。明知沒有結果。身邊的朋友都說不值得，我卻還認為他們不明白。其實，我一早已經明白一切。但，明白和接受可以是兩碼子事。

直到最近，我好像突然成為他傾訴心事的對象。為甚麼？那喋喋不休的獨白，跟我何干？前言不對後語的每個故事，也令我心裡不好受，卻因為要面子，還要裝成沒甚麼大不了的樣子。說到其中一位我也有過一面之緣的她，那殘酷冷漠的態度，令我頓然醒來：我在他心目中，大概跟這位女子一樣，只是一個無關痛癢，卻又久不久為他帶來煩惱的人吧。

累了，睡吧。

乜我哋真係咁捍衛廣東話咩？咪講笑啦！ Do we really love our mother tongue?

這邊廂有穗港兩地的熱血青年上街保衛廣州話，那邊廂一眾港孩的父母卻前仆後繼，唔理三七廿一，明知自己的英文半桶水，卻全力堅持對子女只講英文。

英文，並唔係咁學㗎。

While we are excited about the young people from Guangzhou and Hong Kong taking it to the streets to defend our mother tongue Cantonese, isn't it an irony that a lot of parents in Hong Kong insist in speaking to their children ONLY in their broken English? 

crazy lazy food 2

Had a very late lunch at 4pm today. And was contemplating skipping dinner tonight. Then the voice of my Chinese doctor (along with my mom and other friends) rang in my ear... "You must eat more. You must eat more. You must eat more". Creepy...

So I gave in.

As I didn't buy any food for the night, my only resort was whatever I could find in my cupboard. Well, I wasn't doing too bad. I could at least come up with 4 dishes:
1. Spaghetti with tuna in cream sauce
2. Noodle in soup with corn
3. Baked beans and fried eggs
4. Oatmeal / porridge
And all fit in with my "one pot" policy !

And the winner was number 1, Spaghetti with tuna in cream sauce. Although number 4 would be a wiser choice given that I'm still recovering from flu and therefore should eat something more healthy. But me being me, I always opt for something irrational.

As usual, I improvise as I cooked and ended up with something slightly different than what I first imagined.

Here we go.

Ingredients:

• Spaghetti
• 1 Tin of tuna (soaked in oil)
• Whipping cream
• Chilli flakes
• Manchego cheese, cut into small pieces (yeah, just found that in the fridge)
• 1 Egg, beaten
• Xiaoxing wine (or any wine you have)

Method

1. Cook the spaghetti (or pasta of your choice) according to instruction on the package
2. Heat the pot, add oil (taken from the tin of tuna) and chilli flakes
3. Add the tuna, cook over low heat. Stir gently so the tuna don't stay as huge chunks
4. Add whipping cream
5. Add spaghetti when the sauce starts to bubble
6. Add manchego cheese. Stir to mix all ingredients well
7. Add Xiaoxing wine when the cheese are melted. Turn to high heat
8. Turn off heat when the wine is more or less evaporated
9. Stir in the egg
10. Serve

Again, no photos and can't even give correct quantities/measurements of the ingredients.

P.S. Was talking to a friend just this afternoon and we're wondering how come there are so many Italian restaurants in town. And maybe that's one of reasons I chose to cook something remotely Italian tonight?

My n-th monologue

Can't believe it's been a year. I've been a classic fool for a year.

I have to admit that there's been loads of good times. But mostly, I felt lost, lonely and sad.

The Chinese astrology said that last year was not really a good one for me. Turned out, the worst and best things happened to me was actually the same thing.

It's always hard to say goodbye. But I guess I have got to be the one doing it.

And I did. It didn't turn out the way I expected. I was angry but all the better. At least I did it and I saw the ugly side of it all.

It wasn't a clean cut though. I was weak...

But for some strange reasons, I felt better now. I think I'm ready now. To move on.

Take care of yourself.

Crazy lazy food

I love food but am no foodie. I enjoy cooking from time to time but most of the time it's out of practicality - I've got to eat something, right? I can't afford to go to fancy restaurants all the time and I don't want to have another 茶餐廳 (local version of the greasy spoon) meal after a long day's work. So I tend to make something quick, usually only involves one pot/pan to minimize the pain of washing up. And sometimes I ended up doing something crazy for various reasons.
   
Last night, after going to my grandma's place for a belated 拜年 (Chinese New Year ritual - visiting your seniors), it's still early and the market hasn't closed yet. So I wandered around with no idea what to cook for the night. I thought of making a soup with cabbage, tomato and corn. But after I got the tomatoes, I passed by the fish monger and thought, "oh I haven't had fish for a while." I finally got a filet of some kind of white fish (don't ask me, I don't even know its Chinese name).
 
So then I started to think what should I do with the fish... And here's what:
 
Tray-baked filet of I-have-no-idea-what-fish-this-is with cabbage and tomatoes
 
Ingredients:

• Filet of fish, any fish
• 1 small cabbage (coarsely chopped)
• 2-3 tomatoes (cut in wedges)
• Salt and pepper for seasoning
• Ginger (few small pieces, squash them)

Method:

1. Pre-heat oven (around 220 degrees)
2. Drizzle oil on a baking dish (I use a disposable foil tray)
3. Put the chopped cabbage in the baking dish, drizzle a bit more oil on it
4. Cover with aluminium foil and cook in oven for 10mins
5. Meanwhile, rub salt and pepper on both sides of the fish
6. Take out the tray from oven. Put the fish on top of the cabbage, add the ginger and tomatoes and cover with foil
7. Put back tray in the oven and cook for 20mins (depending on the thickness of the filet)
8. Serve

* don't waste the remaining juice in the tray. it's yummy too. oh and I think you may also add some white wine in it.
 
P.S. All quantities, oven temperatures, cooking time are arbitrary. I'm not a professional cook and I just learn as I cook ;P
 
P.P.S. Sorry I didn't take any photo... Use your imagination.

閱讀報告一：戀人絮語 | A Lover’s Discourse

原名：Fragments d’un discours amoureux；英譯本：A Lover’s Discourse
作者：Roland Barthes (羅蘭‧巴特)

大家都說法國人很浪漫，我覺得只是一廂情願的想法。反而我認為法國人都喜愛分析、討論、辯駁。他們很多時候都思路清晰、見解獨特，別忘記法國出了很多有名的思想家、哲學家。而法國的教育很重視培養學生的思巧、辯論能力，他們從小就要上哲學課。當然，法國人喜愛談戀愛也是事實。(試問又有誰不喜歡呢？)

那麼，從哲學家的角度看愛情又會是如何？

戀人絮語是法國哲學家、思想家、符號學家羅蘭‧巴特的晚期作品，發表於1977年。

巴特透過愛到不能自拔的主角，以不同的符號，絮絮道出戀愛中的百般感受，以及剪不斷，理還亂的情緒，嘗試將愛情解構。到底，戀愛就是不理性的，我們又怎能作出準確分析呢？

某年從一個愉快難忘的法國假期回來，便買了這本書看。很不習慣這種文體，而且對書中提到的多位哲學家、思想家都不太認識，於是邊讀邊搔頭。可幸也有共鳴的地方。事隔數年，再次閱讀，仍然有很多不明白之處，可是感覺比之前更深。甜的更甜，苦的更苦。發現自己過了這幾年，仍然沒有學乖。

如果再有人問我，法國人是否很浪漫，我還是那句：我覺得我浪漫啲囉。

People always say the French are romantic. I just think it’s simply what we wanted to believe in. A cliché, a myth. On the contrary, I believe the French like to analyze, discuss and debate. Very often they are clear-headed and can come up with unique view points. Don’t forget that France is home to numerous great thinkers and philosophers. The French education system also encourages pupils to develop critical thinking and analytical abilities. From an early age, children start to take philosophy class at school. But well, the French do love to be in love too. I mean, who doesn’t?

So, what is love through the eyes of a philosopher?

A Lover’s Discourse, written by French philosopher, thinker and semiotician Roland Barthes, was first published in 1977.

Barthes presents all the signs of love through the narrator of the book, The Lover, who is eternally deeply in love. All the feelings, emotions, symbols, language of The Lover and The Other are meticulously analyzed. But love is intrinsically irrational. How are we going to deconstruct, analyze and make sense of it?

A few years ago I bought this book after an unforgettable, blissful trip to France. This type of literature was new to me. On top of that, I’m quite ignorant in the Western philosophers mentioned throughout the book. I found it a difficult read and didn’t really get much from it. There were bits and pieces that I could comprehend and like a lot though. Now, picking up the book again, there are still lots that I don’t understand but then something hit me deeper than last time. The sweetness got sweeter and the bitterness got worse. And I realize after these years, I haven’t learned a bit.

If someone asks me again whether the French are romantic, I’d say “I AM the romantic one.”

Mis(s)Adventure 不定期連載之五：新年快樂 | Mis(s)Adventure, trial and tribulation 5: Happy New Year

Yes, I know I'm a month late to write about my new year celebrations. Must admit I've been procrastinating... (by the way, one of my new year resolutions is to kick this bad habit...)
  
Right, back to the subject.
  
I was planning to have a very quiet New Year's Eve. I just couldn't see myself going to Lan Kwai Fong or Wan Chai just to get myself drunk. I can pretty much do that any other day.
   
That day I left office after lunch and went to meet up a friend and spent some great time together. After that I needed to go pick up some stuff for my dear friend (but that's another complicated story) before going home for dinner.
   
Mid-night arrived unceremoniously as I watched Madonna's concert on DVD. I was about to send a text to wish a few friends happy new year when J texted me to see if I wanted to go out. And I thought why not? By the time I got ready to go out, half of the crazy crowd on the streets would have been gone. It would be bearable. Besides, I hadn't gone out with J for quite a while. So, to Wan Chai we went...
  
There were still a lot of people out there but not as bad as I thought. Most of them were actually on their way home. The two of us went to an English pub. We didn't want anything fancy. Just a (relatively) decent place where we could sit down and talk would be good enough.
  
We were about to finish our drinks and go when a young guy asked if he could sit next to us. Well, why not?
  
Then his friend sat down as well. J and I were literally stuck between them.
  
Then they started talking.
  
"What's your name?" 
"Where are you from?"
 
** yawn ** how boring...
  
"Where do you live?"
I said, "Hong Kong." (you stupid)
   
"Yes, but where?"
"Hong Kong Island." (sigh)
  
"But where in Hong Kong island?"
"Why would I tell you?"
  
"OK, let me guess. Pao Ma Dei?"
"Oh, so that's the only place you know how to say in Cantonese (and in a bad accent)? Nope, I don't live in Happy Valley." 
 
"Er, you look posh. The Peak?"
"I'm not posh. No." (eyes rolling)
  
"OK, Repulse Bay."
    
At this point, it was getting so stupid that it's actually funny. The other guy tried to say something else so that we wouldn't think they're creeps. J and I were trying very hard not to burst out laughing.
  
"Oh, I know I know. Stanley!"
"Erm... actually yes." I said. "We're from Stanley Prison. It's New Year's Eve and we got half day release. You see those four big guys at the door? They're the guards. They'll make sure we go back there safely, in less than half and hour."
   
It's very easy to BS when you're a little tipsy.
   
And that was obviously the biggest, worst, stupidest hint to tell them we really didn't want to talk to them any more. They finally gave us peace.
  
Don't say we're mean. We had been very patient with them. But there must be something more interesting to talk about than to find out where people live?
   
Or maybe I'm just too old for that.